Seymour Totti’s Foreign Policy

Women are from Venus

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I was delighted to learn, via the good offices of ananova.com, that randy couples are queuing up to blow their hard earned wad on astral nookie.

Will Whitehorn, president of Virgin Galactic, said the group had been inundated with enquiries from couples hoping to make history. “One got in touch about a charter flight so they could be the first to have intercourse in space and get in the Guinness Book of Records.” He said

Having sex in zero gravity does sound like fun. But so does having sex in a hammock and having sex in the sea and I’ve tried both of those. Neither was easy and you have to be really determined to persevere.

In zero gravity the challenge would be even greater. You’d need some kind of climbing frame dealie to hang on to so as to anchor yourselves for the thrust

And you’d each need some Velcro on the pubic bone because if it slips out you could be stabbing around in the firmament for ages trying to re-dock.

Personally I’d be more interested to know if there is intelligent life out there … and whether it’s females are cute.

See also: A shag in a hammock

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One of the seventies best loved posters is on sale again. This time for a princely UK£300. This edition of the picture that soothed the early morning erections of many a student is available as a limited edition canvas print measuring 60cm x 80cm.

The photo was taken in 1976 by Martin Elliott and features 18-year-old Fiona Butler, his girlfriend at the time. Not, as many rumours have suggested, a male or transvestite.

My first thought was that they are hoping to sell it to exactly the same people that bought it 30-years ago but apparently it is something of a collectors item on e-bay. The edition is signed numbered and limited to a run of 1,850.

You can buy the poster online: Pyramid Posters
Interview with model: Fiona Butler

A young tourist is in bed with his Thai girlfriend. After enjoying great sex she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on several occasions.

Rather enjoying it, the lad turns and asks her, “Why do you like doing that so much?”

“Because I really miss mine”, she replies.

Oh but it’s not funny. If you’re ever heading to Bangkok you need to be able to tell the difference between a lady and a ladyboy so I’ve devised a little test.

Now, you’re in Patpong, it’s nearly closing time. You’re three sheets to the wind and you are desperate to score. You stagger into one last bar, sway a little, close one eye and survey the stage. You’ve got to choose yourself a female. The odds are stacked against you but it’s not impossible - How many drinks will you have to buy to get a girl?

Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink

TOTTI’S BAR

Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink Buy me dink

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I’ve never worn diapers, well not since I was a baby anyway, and I’ve never really considered them as erotic fun wear … either for me or my partner. But there are people that do, especially in Japan.

Diaper fetish sites are not new though most of them just look like adult models dressed up. They don’t convince me and personally I don’t find them particularly erotic.

Japan’s Bebigyaru, on the other hand, brings an otaku/manga/cosplay sensibility to the pictures. These do convince me. I haven’t decided if I find them erotic yet but they do fascinate. They have a surreal quality that challenges the libido by offering a sexually desirable woman in a context that isn’t sexual. Though the cartoon like style does make them look vulnerable.

Fortunately none of the diapers appear to have been used for what they were intended but I would imagine it’s only a matter of time. Already there are several factions with the diaper loving fraternity.

There are some that like the models to do the whole baby thing and others that just like to see grown women wearing them. And of course a good many admirers like to wear them too.
Visit website Bebigyaru

Not a real cowboy

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An old cowboy was sitting in the new Starbucks enjoying a coffee.

Presently a young woman sat down next to him, “Are you a real cowboy?” She asked

“Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts,” He replied, “I’ve been working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.”

“I’m a lesbian!” She said. “I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower I think about women. When I watch TV I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”

The two sat drinking their coffees in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy. “Are you a real cowboy?” He asked.

“Well I always thought I was,” said the cowboy, “but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

See Also: Philosophy is like an erection
See Also: Annual check-up

Endangered species

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Those adorable Japanese schoolgirl uniforms could become a thing of the past as slacks are slowly becoming part of girls uniform throughout the country. Earlier this year Sapporo Junior High made them compulsory and skirts will only be permitted for three months during the summer.

In Sapporo the reasons are for keeping out the icy winds in winter but elsewhere eliminating the gender gap is being given as one of the reasons for making the switch.

Opinions are divided. Some praise the slacks for their warmth and ease of movement, others complain that they are too hot and make them look geeky,

“I wear trousers all the time normally and they’re easier to get around in, so I don’t feel weird, but everybody notices when we’re outside school,” third-year student Yuka Taniguchi told the Mainichi Daily News

Which do you prefer? (Mainichi)

But second-year student Chika Takami is unrepentant. “Slacks are easier to move around in,” she says. “But there’s a very strong image that schoolgirls wear skirts. And school is the only time in our lives that we can wear these uniforms.”

That’s not strictly true though is it Chika. We can think of plenty of other times that you might like to wear them, can’t we chaps?

Read: Original story

See also: A class of their own
See also: Where to meet Japanese schoolgirls
See also: Singing for my supper

Niya Yu is not a Hong Kong MILF, she is an internet porn star but she is still looking great

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The thing about Hong Kong’s 141 girls is that you never really know what you are going to get. The faces on the website pictures are invariably pixelated out and you’ve no way of knowing, until you get there, if the photo shows someone who was five years younger than she is now.

This doesn’t worry me too much. I can appreciate a woman in her late thirties just as easily one in her late teens or early twenties, and for the most part I quite enjoy the surprise. Of course there are times when you just have to say “Oops I’m sorry, I think I pressed the wrong bell.”

A good many of the younger ones work for short periods to raise some fast cash then get out the business. A lot come in from mainland China on 4-week visitors permits. The older ones are almost always from the mainland and are career hookers.

Personally I like to seek out local Hong Kong girls because if I find one that I like there a decent chance I’ll be able to find her when I next pass through. Even if she’s no longer working the 141s there is always a possibility she’ll be willing to give me her mobile number.

But Hong Kong MILFs are a rare thing indeed. My favourite is still a year or two shy of thirty so to my mind doesn’t qualify for milfhood yet.
(continues here.., more pics too…)